Down the tubes

Well four weeks after the start of my daughter's ear infection it appears she needs tubes. After we returned from Santa Fe and it was clear that her ear drum had burst and she was leaking brains onto her pillow at night, we brought her back to see her doctor who peeked in her ears and said, hmmm, pretty soupy. So she prescribed a different antibiotic and some ear drops too which we dutifully administered.

Meanwhile my husband, who is a medical device engineer and builds hearing aids for a living, suddenly remembered that he knows several otologists. So he asked his buddy Dr. Murray, who I met at the holiday party once and found to be very amusing while intoxicated, about it. He was suspicious since this had been going on for already a very long time. So he said I should bring her to see him. Which I did. And he looked in there with his big microscope this time and mopped up a lot of gunky, smelly brains with teeny tiny cotton balls. It appears the perforation in her ear drum was neither big enough to let out all the gunk nor let in the antibiotics. Inner ear infection. And we're pretending the big chair she's in ts a rocket ship and she's having the time of her life and my son is a little jealous but in no way wants to switch places because you even come close to his ears and he has a total come apart not unlike the retarded bother in There's Something About Mary. Dr. Murray says to come back Monday (today) to see if the antibiotics have done anything. They have not. She is underwater. She's drowning in her own ear fluids. She's basically hearing as though she had her two fingers in her ears. And this is likely why she talked so late and why her pronunciation is so funny. She can't hear.

So she's getting tubes. On Thursday. At 7am. I don't know why on earth anyone would want to schedule surgery this early in the morning but she has to be there at 6am for pre-op and that is why my husband is taking her so that he can hang out with Dr. Murray and potentially watch the surgery. And maybe think of a new medical device that he will prototype and sell and we'll be rich. Or not. This is the man who passed out at his nephew's bris.

And the funny thing is that one of my earliest memories of all time is getting tubes in my ears. I was three and back then you went to the hospital. And I remember wearing a hospital gown that was open in the back and being worried that the doctor who transferred me to the gurney would touch my tushy. So I held the gown together in the back. Why I needed to be naked for ear surgery is cause for pause.

(pause)

And while this is wonderful that our daughter will finally be able to hear and at least some of her cranial plumbing issues will be solved (Dr. Murray thinks her tonsils will need out soon too), we will miss some of the words she says. Like cwakwain which is a cracker. And what she calls her brother. Trust me, it's not even close. But hopefully now she'll be able to hear when I tell her to stop hitting her brother. Maybe he needs tubes too. Wouldn't that be the best thing ever if getting tubes made you listen to your parents? My mom will confirm it did not work in my case.


and what a lovely ear it is...